NOTE: At the end of this post, I'll tell you the rules for my Fathers Day 2018 Contest: The winner will get to choose between two field-level tickets to a regular season Yankees game in the Bronx (date TBA, travel not included) or a $1,000 donation to your father's favorite charity.
My father died when I was eleven, and was in and out of my life before that, so I don't have too many solid memories of him.
And while I was super close with my mother, I never felt like I knew "the whole story" with her. I think my mom operated under the "I didn’t want to tell you because you weren’t ready" mentality, and we never quite got there.
In anticipation of Father's Day, I've been thinking a lot about what being a father means to me, and a big part of it is sharing as much of my life as possible with my two kids.
This meant bringing them to work as much as was possible (and realistic) while they were growing up, and it also meant letting them have a voice in where we'd go on vacation, or to eat - or any of our family plans, for that matter. And it's meant being open with my children emotionally (within reason of course).
Being a father has also meant passing on "life lessons." I've always emphasized three "golden rules" with my kids:
1. Be a good person to everyone.
2. Be a good brother and son with your family.
3. Do your best in school.
Those were our only "non-negotiable" rules. We drilled them into our kids very early on.
And it's very satisfying to see what generous adults they've become, what good sports they are at all times.
But being a father is not just about how I "parent" my kids; it's also about how they influence me!
My kids, in addition to my wife, serve as my accountability police.
They keep me honest by goofing on me what seems like all of the time. They help me to not take myself too seriously.
It’s good to have people who know you and are completely open and honest with you. Who can critique you.
My daughter often calls me out when I tell her a story: "I can't believe you said that to that person!" (She also helps me dress sometimes.)
For me, the bottom line is that being a father is about more than the love I have for my kids: It's the teaching that only my my wife and I can provide them - and it's the learning that we can only get from them.
FATHERS DAY 2018 CONTEST RULES:
1. Subscribe to this blog by entering your email address > HERE <. (If you're already subscribed, you can skip this step.)
2. Leave a comment in the comments section below, telling me what being a father - or having a father - means to you. If you're reading this from your email, click > HERE < to go to the full blog page on my website and you can leave your comments below.
NO PURCHASE NECESSARY! CONTEST CLOSES AT 12:01 AM, EASTERN STANDARD TIME, JUNE 18th, 2018.
CONTEST RULES: By entering your comment, you are agreeing to the following Official Rules: Must be US resident; Must enter by leaving comment in comments section of this post; I retain the right to publicize the names and likenesses of the winner(s); If winner forfeits or does not claim the prize, it will be re-awarded, at my discretion. VOID WHERE PROHIBITED BY LAW.
Song of the Day: "Father And Daughter" by Paul Simon
Being a Father is giving your unconditional love to your Children. The purpose of my life is to give them the best advice, guidance and support I possibly can .
In today’s complicated world (school threats, technology overload, reduced real interaction with people), being a father, brother, and son has definitely gotten harder. While we must embrace new things that are meant to improve our lives, I feel we must still maintain certain traditional habits and values. I try to do my best managing that balance so that my children live the same type of lives as their friends, but also understand the core elements of family, respect, and life. Its not an easy task, and some days can drive a parent crazy, but then our children are not collectibles that we create and put on a shelf. They are extensions of ourselves and we must lead them not only by instruction, but by example. I reflect everyday on this and try to maintain core values that will help them be the very best in anything they do. They are our future and my time with them is a blessing that is not taken for granted.
Being a father to me means I have the incredible fortune to do everything for and with our children! Instill in them that anything is possible with hard work and a little luck! Most of all be a person that abides by the golden rule, “ treat others the way you would want to be treated” while enjoying every second of this crazy life!
I learned what being a good father is from so many wonderful people. My father taught me respect and unconditional love. My mother taught me what loving marital support looks like when you truly love someone more than yourself. My maternal grandfather taught me the importance of letting nothing come before family. My maternal grandmother taught me what your vows and what commitment truly means. You see, my mother and father were high school sweethearts. My mother got pregnant at 16. Dad and her got married before I was born and they were married 34 years before dad died from pancreatic cancer. This was a blow to all of us. You see, my dad was our rock. He was the jokester at Thanksgiving and Christmas gatherings making everyone laugh until they would just about pee their pants. He was the coach of my Tee-Ball and Little League team. He was the one who introduced me to important people who had accomplished so many things beyond sports like Bill Wade. He took me to the Pro Football Hall of Fame in Canton, OH. He took me to Neyland Stadium where I developed a life-long admiration for traditions just by being a Big Orange fanatic. We always loved our stops at Shoney’s for breakfast on the drive East and our dinners at O’Charley’s (Prime Rib!) when we headed back West towards home. We had made plans to visit Cooperstown before his Stage 4 diagnosis. Dad was given (3) months or less and lived 7. He always was larger than life just like my grandfather who overcame alcoholism, my grandmother who refused to give up on him, and my mother who always made everything better and pulled all the strings to make ours the best family one could ever have. You see, I learned everything I thought I needed to know from these precious and dear family members. And of course I didn’t! When I was 41 my beautiful wife, Valerie, finally gave me something I never thought I would have. A precious son named Caleb Michael McCarley. There is a picture of me carrying Caleb out of the OR after his mother labored unsuccessfully some (35+) hours. It is my all-time favorite picture because I am simply full of JOY. You see, nothing can top that! Being a dad has brought so much good to me. It has taught me patience, frustration, peace, love, wonder, amazement, sacrifice, satisfaction, and undying love. Caleb seems to have taken after his father. He loves music, sports, adventure, the TN Vols, and baseball! He loves to “smack the fire outta that ball’ at his tee-ball games and age 4 already enjoys playing “burn-out” when throwing ball with daddy. Kids make everything come full circle. They make everything joyFULL. They give new meaning to “success story.” They even make you love your wife in a deeper, more meaningful way! How that is – indescribable. Wanna know how truly blessed Jason Thomas McCarley is? On February 23rd, 2016, God showed me there could be even more joy in the McCarley home! How was that even possible?! Well, of course, Caroline Elizabeth McCarley was born! You see, being a father is so amazing that words truly have a hard time capturing it all. Caroline is the Apple of daddy’s eye. She is the prettiest diva of a daughter daddy could ever have imagined. One of, if not the best part of my day, occurs the moment I walk inside our home after work, where I serve as a Director for the State of Tennessee Department of Correction of a Drug and Alchohol intensive outpatient treatment and community resource center program, is little 2-year old Caroline running to me when the door opens yelling “daddy daddy … daddy’s home.” Nothing compares to what joy you are given in this life being a father, being a dad to the most magical people in your life, who look to you for guidance, for comfort when they skin-up their knee, for knowledge about the universe, or just life’s general wonderings. A kid’s heart is so pure, so unadulterated. They make you wanna give your best everyday. They truly make you want to be a better man, a better husband, a better dad, a better person. To me, it is what truly has made my life come full-circle and right where God has led me to be. Completely content and fully blessed! Jason McCarley (Father of Caleb and Caroline, Husband of Valerie, Son of Angela and the late Thomas McCarley, Grandson of Hubert & Elizabeth Bishop)
Brandon, i had a similar type of upbringing as yours. My Father passed away when i was 10 and my mom made sure that i and my siblings got to ballgames in the Bronx, usually a giveaway that kept me in bats and hats all summer. when she started to go with my future stepfather, he went out of his way to take me to cooperstown, even though he wasn’t a baseball fan. these 2 men formed my values and enjoyments in life. more importantly, they mad my mom happy. while i dont have children, i try to pass those values to nieces and nephews and their kids. those are the things i think of these days when father’s day comes around